Monthly Archives: May 2011

One Day

One day, my time will come
Maybe painfully
at the hands of pancreatic cancer
Slowly
through the mental debilitation of Alzheimer’s
Suddenly
by heart attack
Breathlessly
at the mercy of asthma
or maybe
It will be my kidneys that fail me

One day, my time will come
Possibly
at the hands of Kaiser
or Sutter
or UCD
or in the Emergency room of “Mercy”
Quickly looked over and misdiagnosed
or refused treatment
Due to a lack of insurance
Like “Colored People”
Turned away because of the color of their skin

One day, my time till come
Maybe
I’ll be murdered by “Justice”
Shot 41 times by the New York Police
While reaching for my wallet
or assassinated
By the Riverside Police
“Protecting and Serving” old racism
By firing bullets into my body
While I helplessly convulse
From a combination of a seizure and bullets

One day, my time will come
Maybe
I’ll be beat out of my misery
By the Bakersfield Police
While in the County jail on trivial charges
or shot
In the back by the Bay Area Rapid Transit Police
while pinned
cuffed
lying face down
Because even my black backside is a threat to society

One day, my time will come
Probably
at the hands of my own people
Murdered senselessly in the street
for my watch
for my car
for my wallet
Assassinated
for scuffing up their shoes
Shot in the back
while trying to shield my baby
From one of my cold blooded brothers
Keeping it real

One day, my time will come
and when it does
don’t mourn for me
don’t go into a depression
Thinking about the words you never said
or believing I went too early
or trivializing my life
By focusing the attention
On the injustice of how I left
Instead of the beauty of how I lived

One day, my time will come
and when it does
don’t let the sadness trap you
don’t let the surprise stop you in your tracks
don’t spend your days trying to memorialize me
or hiding my flaws
By trying recreate me in the perfect image
Of who you wanted me to be

I am perfectly imperfect
Humanly flawed
Scared of the pain of going
Not afraid to go
Worried about those I will leave
but hopeful,
they will focus
On loving and embracing “Life”
Understanding,
How we go is of little importance
Compared to how we “Live”

One day, my time will come
and when it does
don’t waste life
Dedicating your time to fighting “against”
All that’s wrong in the world
When you have the opportunity to fight “for”
All that’s right in the world

One day, my time will come
and when it does
Know I want you to live
Your life
moving
forward
Reaching for stars
Shining light
Being a guide to
Those who have lost their way
Living in the fullness of love
Giving yourself freely
Embracing
All that is
Instead of all that was

One day, my time will come
and when it does
I need you to know
What matters most is “Love”

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Make it Count

Sometimes we can’t see the sun because of the clouds; but we know it’s there..
and sure enough the sun will shine again.

Sometimes we can’t see our blessings because of our circumstance; have faith, they’re there..
and sure enough there will be brighter days again.

You woke up for a reason,
Make today count for something..

Forgiveness.. No one said it would be easy.

Now that we’ve got the easy stuff out of the way, let’s start really digging into the idea of forgiveness, specifically, “I forgive, but I won’t forget”. This is where forgiveness gets dicey. I understand the desire and in some cases the need to remember for the purpose of learning, avoiding detrimental situations, and/or not placing yourself in harms way.

The problem, we often take these memories, these past issues that we’ve “Forgiven” and throw it back in someone’s face at the first sign of a problem, or the first time you get into a heated argument. This behavior is not a characteristic of true forgiveness, but rather the behavior of someone who either says they forgive and don’t mean it, or someone who wants to forgive but isn’t ready yet. The latter (want to forgive, not ready) is okay if we’re working on forgiving, and truthfully communicate to the person we have the issue with. Yes, you can tell someone you’re not ready to forgive them if asked. No, you cannot tell someone you forgive them if you haven’t. Forgiveness in this scenario means not even having the desire to remind them of how many times they’ve messed up or all the chances you’ve already given them. Let it go.

No one said it would be easy, but peace requires us to keep trying and to be real with ourselves. Will it take time; absolutely. Will you have to meet people more than halfway; most definitely. Will you go through rough patches; without a doubt. Will some people try to take advantage of you; yes… but forgiveness and the weight lifted on your soul is worth the risk that someone won’t appreciate the effort. At it’s best forgiveness can change the world. At worst, not carrying the grudge is one less thing for you to worry about.