defiance over grief
over slowing down to contemplate
Masking our pain
instead of facing it
rather than letting the hurt
grab ahold of us
We cover the holes in our heart so adeptly
that even those closest to us can only see the glimmer of light
sneaking past the mountains
of sadness eclipsing our light
On the outside
we feign the appearance of everything is fine
we are worn out
tired of overcoming
decimated by loneliness
stuck in the middle of nowhere
screaming to the heavens
as we struggle to hang on
We find ourselves
looking to those that remain
to fill the gaps of those that are no longer here
only to be greeted by the harsh reality
that some holes are simply too big to fill
We lash out in frustration
and our cries go unanswered
We walk a path toward peace
on a narrow road nestled neatly
between anger and hurt,
there is no end in sight
We see light
and then turn a corner
that leads us back to darkness
We are hopeful
but this taxing journey
threatens to take away all that we love
In our heart
we know we will make it
In our mind
we are unsure of what our world
will look like when we do
Will our loved ones still be there?
Will the blissful joy ever come back?
Will the soul that emerges on the other side resemble the soul that began the journey?
This morning, like a lot of other mornings, I woke up and wanted to talk to my loved ones that have already passed on. To be honest, this is not something that makes me sad or angry, just a reality for someone that has said goodbye to a lot of people over a relatively short life. It’s a reality that has taught me about mortality, dreams, friendship, appreciating the here and now, and the importance of not wasting moments. Through this reality, I have learned the importance of every single breath, of every interaction, of passionately pursuing my dreams from the time I wake up (God Willing/Insha’Allah) until I rest my head at night, and of you. This reality has helped me to move away from the idea of the American dream and toward God’s purpose. It has taught me to stop counting on tomorrow’s and to quit assuming I’ll have another chance to make it right. Most importantly, it has taught me passion.
When you sit down with me, when we communicate in passing, when you read what I’ve written or watch how I’m living, I hope the thing you see is someone who is passionate about friendship, about using my gifts to help someone, about life, and about love.
Why do I share this? I share this so that you can understand what I’ve come to understand. We have been given but a few ticks on the clock of eternity to achieve an infinite amount of dreams and to express an infinite amount of love; we don’t have a single breath to waste on the bullshit.
I pray for all the families; for all the men, women, and children all over the world that are or will find themselves struggling to cope with the loss of loved ones.
I pray for the well being of all the people who find themselves barely hanging on and lost in our complex world of contradictions.
I pray that all of the children being taught violence as a solution to problems will someday find love and prove to be better than us, their teachers.
I pray that someday the American passion for life that gets displayed every time a tragedy strikes one of our communities becomes a permanent fixture in our hearts, and that this American humanity expands to include compassion for non-Christians and non-Americans all over the world.
I pray that one day, my Christian brothers and sisters will quit murdering in the name of Allah, my Muslim brothers and sisters will quit murdering in the name of God, and our American politicians will quit sending our American kids to war under the false pretense of democracy and justice.
I pray for you, in hopes that you when hit that wall and begin to believe you can’t go any further, that when you reach that point where you can’t see any hope, that when you find yourself in that space where darkness is the only thing that surrounds you, I pray that you will find the courage and perseverance to take one more step forward.
I pray for us, in hopes that someday we will truly treat one another as our brothers and sisters the way El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz (Malcolm X) did when he returned from his Hajj, the way Martin Luther King, Jr. did when he embraced humanity, the way Mother Theresa did as she worked tirelessly to make the world better, and the way so many do as they heroically go on with the business of doing for others without any fanfare.