This is dedicated to those who are afraid to speak of the monsters that exists in places where there aren’t supposed to be any monsters.  As a community we must stop making excuses for the horror we allow our children to go through and excusing the monsters we let roam freely.  

I was 15
unsure
searching for direction
naïve and trusting
looking to him for guidance
a relationship with heaven
my heavenly father
a conduit
who would help me grow
spiritually

He assured me
this is what God intended
wanted
as he rubbed his hands
slowly,
along my legs

Biblical he said
as he nibbled
carefully
along the edges
of my ear

Let go and let God
as he gingerly
moved his fingers
toward my
private areas

Who am I
to deny a man of the cloth
my mentor
a bringer of truth
chosen and set aside
to deliver
the word of God
a Sheppard
leading us
to a better life

It didn’t seem right
but it must be
the path of righteousness
my concerns
were merely
a lack of faith
a weakness in my belief
it would pass

Heavenly
promises
from a wolf
clothed
in lamb’s clothing

I didn’t have any choice
but to let go
and let him
enter
my kingdom

..and now
my soul
is broken

My faith
in man
in the church
in God
has been dismantled

By sermons
turned to whispers

Whispers
turned to hugs

Hugs
turned to
inappropriately placed fingers

Fingers
turned to
cherry busting penises
pushing through
virginal
vaginal
walls
in dark corners

I cried for help
and the believers
didn’t believe me

Accused
of being greedy

Encouraged
to be quiet
be thankful
for his blessings

Outcast
in the house
of the Lord

Now the only place I find refuge
is on street corners
lying on my back
in pay per hour motels
caged by
the aroma
of strange men
wanting me to call them
daddy

I remember
he wanted to be
my daddy too..