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Late Night Musings

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Only if I am willing to give it all in an effort to save you can I claim to walk the path of Jesus… but right now, I am still too inwardly focused to recognize your pain. I am still too worried about receiving the blessings I deserve to sacrifice for you. I am too afraid of the unknown to embrace the after life. I’ve heard it’s beautiful, yet I fear death because I don’t know anyone who can confirm its beauty. The willingness to step into the unknown is where my faith is weakest. I claim Christianity, yet demand that you meet me half way before I sacrifice anything for you. Did the people meet Jesus half way before he took the cross? Were they deserving of his love? Are we worthy enough to call ourselves faithful followers?

In time we will all discover truth, for now we ponder. ~ Sean King

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10 Minutes

I remember
The dim lights of the lamppost
The thick aroma of nicotine sticks
The blaring sound of sirens
Followed by the ambulance
Throttling through red lights in a hurried fashion
The deliberate crawl of a patrol car
With its profiling eyes
Unabashedly shifted in our direction

I remember
The crowd
Huddled together
Just outside of the building
Passionately
Discussing
Debating
Animated hand gestures
Fluctuating tones
As the conversation
Effortlessly shifted
From topic to topic

I remember
The interruptions
By invisible beaten souls
Passing by
Stopping
Long enough to make a simple request
Preceded by an elaborate story
Of unfathomable circumstance
“You got some change you can spare?”
“You got a cigarette I can borrow?”
“You got a cellphone I can use?
Just before they drifted
Back into the dark shadows

I remember
The tacit acknowledgment
Of old Jim Crow laws
As the same pig as before slithered by
Hiding behind the flood light
His message?
Too many “Nigg*rs” congregating
In one location

I remember
Dispersing
To the rhythmic sounds
Of hand slaps
Brief hand shakes
Man hugs
Two finger salutes
Honest head nods
and the words
“Stay up brother”
“Be safe out there aight”
As we quietly walked to our cars
In pairs

I remember
Him,
Drifting in from nowhere
Just as I was getting ready to open my door

I remember
Conversing,
For ten minutes
Time stood still
The interruptions ceased
The sirens stopped blaring
The pigs stopped profiling
And we stood there
Pouring out our soul
Before parting ways

I remember
Every single word
We shared
Life
Love
Fatherhood
Homelessness
Education
Joblessness
America
And his first love

I remember him saying
This is the first time
He’s felt human in months
The first time
Anyone has listened in years
The first time
He hasn’t felt hopeless
In forever

I remember
Every single word
But I can’t remember him
I can’t remember his eyes
His complexion
His height
His weight
His mannerisms
I can’t even remember
The sound of his voice

..and still
I recall his story of survival
When the going gets tough

..and still
I wonder
If he’s out there

..and still
I wonder
If I would I recognize him
When we crossed paths again

..and still
I wonder
Has his life made a turn
For the better
Like they always do in those tear jerking movies

It was only ten minutes
But it was long enough
To leave a lifetime impression

I think about him often
Pray for him daily
Send positive energy
Into the Universe
Hoping it will somehow
Make its way
To him,
The man,
Whose soul spoke to me
Whose face I can’t remember
Because he was invisible