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Happy Father’s Day

1975-03-30 Monica & Leon & Sean scan0008

Father’s Day Reflections: How can I feel blessed, be happy with my life, and be thankful with the path God has chosen for me while at the same time being upset that I didn’t have the perfect father?

How can I appreciate the fact that my life has brought me more happiness than I could have ever imagined and accept the fact that my dreams pale in comparison to the life I’m living, while being ungrateful because I think my father should have done more?

How can I stand here calling my father out for his inability to live up to my expectations while looking in the mirror dripping with my own imperfections, flaws, and with the knowledge that there are many things I can do to improve both as a man and as a father?

I can’t, because that’s not the way this thing works. If you’re happy with your life and your journey, and I am, then you also have to be thankful for all of the steps that it took to get there.

What I know today is God gave me the father I needed to become the person that I was called to be. My daddy loved me, he was imperfect, I am imperfect, and he is the father I was given.

It doesn’t need to be complicated: Happy Father’s Day to my dad, Leon King (RIP), and all the other brothers out there doing the best they can. It’s not for me to judge you, so I will simply say, if you keep getting knocked down, then keep getting up. If you keep falling short, then keep reaching forward. If the world keeps feeding you hate, keep spititng it out and fighting back with love. Whatever you’re struggling with, just do your best and know that I Love You and pray that one day you will be able to celebrate Father’s Day without all of the halfass Father’s Day wishes and backhanded compliments… Be blessed my brothers… ~ Sean King

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Happy Father’s Day

I remember,
sitting on your lap
sipping on your beer
feeling like I was on top of the world
looking into your eyes
as I wore your sun glasses.
To me,
you were a star
as bright as the sun

I remember,
catching night crawlers
and climbing over barbed wired fences
and nervously sliding down rocky river banks
to go fishing

I remember,
sitting next to you
watching E.T. and
then movie hopping

I remember,
endless road trips
that took me from the
the country roads and tumbleweeds
of my world

to raspberries
plush green forest
and alleys
littered with volcanic ash
thrown
from the blown mountain tops
of your world

I remember,
all day bus rides
as you shuffled people
from one part of the city to another

I remember,
no holds barred water fights
waterfalls and space needles
foreign borders and breathtaking scenery
and the signs,
warning us
of the presence of Sasquatch;
because of you I wasn’t scared

I remember,
the time we spent
and the love we shared
and looking up to you like a superhero
and the last summer we spent together,
before we lost our connection

I remember,
you telling me
you would be there
at my games;
in my life

I remember,
leaving your world
believing you,
believing in you

I remember,
excitedly waiting
days
weeks
months
to hear from you
before having my heart shattered
by your lack of follow through

I remember,
being angry
and bitter
and cold
and dismissive
before finally checking out of the relationship,
I was officially done with you

I remember,
doing everything in my power
to exist just beyond your reach,
ignoring your phone calls
disappearing when you would visit
telling myself you didn’t matter
until I became numb to
the emptiness in my soul

I remember
our last conversation
before God called you home,
you told me that you loved me,
but even as your life slipped away
my pain
my emptiness
my coldness
wouldn’t allow me
to embrace you

I remember,
the years after you passed
and my struggle to come to grips
with our relationship
and to understand your actions
and to forgive you
for not being there when I needed you

I remember,
swearing
that I wouldn’t be anything like you

I remember,
being healed,

my heart swelling with love
as I forgave you

my spirit being freed
as I accepted the fact that you loved me
the best you could

As I got older
I began to understand your struggle
of raising children with love
while being consumed
with the anger and hate
of a fatherless
Jim Crow American negro

I remember,
looking at my sons
with the pride of a proud father
wishing they would have had the opportunity
to meet you
knowing they would love you
the same way that I do now,
without regret
without condition
without barriers

Happy Father’s Day Daddy
I miss you..